When and How Many?
The Mrs. from Trying Our Best has been writing some very thought provoking posts this week. She has put in to writing a lot of what I have been thinking about, and Skip and I have been talking about recently. First let me preface this by saying that no we are not yet trying for another baby...just didn't want anyone to get excited just yet!
Anyways, Skip and I have been talking alot about when to have our next baby. And then how many children do we want to have? When I was younger, I wanted 8...no really. But then that got worked down to about 4. Skip was always happy with the idea of 2. So we compromised and after we got married decided on 3. Then I got pregnant.
I was so so so very sick the first five months when I was pregnant. The doctors put me on Zofran and while that helped, I was still nauseous all.the.time and throwing up at least once a week. I was tired, sore, and miserable being so big. {please don't get me wrong, I was so happy and blessed to be pregnant and bring such a healthy baby into the world, but it really took a toll on my body} And it's hard for me to imagine trying to do that again while chasing after a toddler. Will I be able to do it? Would I be able to do it with two kids running around??
The other consideration when discussing the number of children is money. I know that God provides, and money should not be a concern, but for what we want to provide for our children it is. It is very important to us that I stay home with our children until they are all in kindergarten...then I will be going back to work. But living on one income is tough and requires a decent amount of sacrifice.
It is also extremely important to us to send our children to Catholic elementary school and high school. I went to Catholic school from pre-k through college. Skip also went to Catholic high school. We feel it is important to us to do the same for our children. But those things come with a hefty price tag. As of right now, most elementary schools are $5,000 a year...and the high schools are currently at $15,000. Ouch. We didn't even get to college yet! We would also like to pay for our children's college education. It is an amazing gift that my parents gave to me, and I would like to do the same for our children. We have already started a 529 account for Little M, but as we all know, college is expensive...even state schools.
So after all of that we would still like our children to live a comfortable lifestyle...family vacations...trips to museums...field trips and whatnot. We are not going to materialistically spoil our children. And they will be getting jobs when they are in high school to pay for things that they want. But we want to give them as much as possible.
So with all of that, it seems like 2 children is more manageable. But will I get the baby itch after our second again? How did you know when you were done having children? And how far apart did you space your children. I am only 27, so I know I have time, but I also don't want them to be spaced too far apart. Skip and I do have an idea of when we will start trying for a second, but I am interested to hear about how all of you spaced out your children. All comments and opinions welcome!
Anyways, Skip and I have been talking alot about when to have our next baby. And then how many children do we want to have? When I was younger, I wanted 8...no really. But then that got worked down to about 4. Skip was always happy with the idea of 2. So we compromised and after we got married decided on 3. Then I got pregnant.
I was so so so very sick the first five months when I was pregnant. The doctors put me on Zofran and while that helped, I was still nauseous all.the.time and throwing up at least once a week. I was tired, sore, and miserable being so big. {please don't get me wrong, I was so happy and blessed to be pregnant and bring such a healthy baby into the world, but it really took a toll on my body} And it's hard for me to imagine trying to do that again while chasing after a toddler. Will I be able to do it? Would I be able to do it with two kids running around??
The other consideration when discussing the number of children is money. I know that God provides, and money should not be a concern, but for what we want to provide for our children it is. It is very important to us that I stay home with our children until they are all in kindergarten...then I will be going back to work. But living on one income is tough and requires a decent amount of sacrifice.
It is also extremely important to us to send our children to Catholic elementary school and high school. I went to Catholic school from pre-k through college. Skip also went to Catholic high school. We feel it is important to us to do the same for our children. But those things come with a hefty price tag. As of right now, most elementary schools are $5,000 a year...and the high schools are currently at $15,000. Ouch. We didn't even get to college yet! We would also like to pay for our children's college education. It is an amazing gift that my parents gave to me, and I would like to do the same for our children. We have already started a 529 account for Little M, but as we all know, college is expensive...even state schools.
So after all of that we would still like our children to live a comfortable lifestyle...family vacations...trips to museums...field trips and whatnot. We are not going to materialistically spoil our children. And they will be getting jobs when they are in high school to pay for things that they want. But we want to give them as much as possible.
So with all of that, it seems like 2 children is more manageable. But will I get the baby itch after our second again? How did you know when you were done having children? And how far apart did you space your children. I am only 27, so I know I have time, but I also don't want them to be spaced too far apart. Skip and I do have an idea of when we will start trying for a second, but I am interested to hear about how all of you spaced out your children. All comments and opinions welcome!
I only have the one but we do have a lot of the same considerations that you do for planning your family size. I've had several other moms tell me that they just 'knew' when they were done. As in they held their newborn in their hands and thought 'you're last.' I can believe that since when I held Isaac in my arms I thought 'you're not the last' despite my husbands desires to have just one.
ReplyDeleteSo there ya go.
And personally I'm seriously considering homeschooling. Espically since the TX school board just decided to remove Thomas Jefferson (among other people/events) from the school curriculm.
You'll never regret having another one but you may regret not having another one - Thats what a family member told me once and it has stuck with me. She has three children, and said she felt complete after her third and just knew she wasnt going to have anymore.
ReplyDeleteMy husband and I originally wanted 5, after having our first we narrowed it down to 3, then after having our second, we said we were done. But I think when she gets a little older we may have one more. I always wanted a big family!
I loved reading this! I've been thinking about when and how many kids we want a lot lately and we have A LOT of the same opinions! I come from a family of five and always thought I wanted like four. After we had Preston I rethought that. My pregnancy wasn't bad, it's just when I start thinking about everything else I start to realize that maybe two would be a better fit.
ReplyDeleteWe want to be able to pay for our kids to go to college too. And live a comfortable life. And while I think we could still live the same way with two kids just spacing them out, three to me seems to change that. Bigger house, bigger car, bigger everything. And four is just not within the reality. Every once in a while though I think maybe I'd want three. But that will probably come down to whether or not we get a girl next, I REALLY want one of each!
We want to travel and be able to spoil and get and do the things we enjoy. I really don't want to have to say no to everything. And I really really want to be able to stay home, so we're in the same boat as you guys with the limited income with only Brad working.
Our plan right now is to space them. And space them kind of a lot. Ideally I want to have my next one right before or right after Preston turns SIX! I know! That's a big difference! He'll be in kindergarten and I'll be able to focus on baby exclusively during those hours every day. Bonding time! Or maybe when he's five and in preschool. I really just want to be able to bond the same way that I did with Preston with baby number two.
How far apart are you guys thinking? And I am SO GLAD to read about someone having the same thoughts as I do about how many kids to have. When I tell a lot of people that we might want only two because of the cost and me wanting to stay home and us wanting to be able to keep our lifestyle they make me feel like I'm absolutely ridiculous for having money factor into my decision on how many kids to have, so I feel soooo much better to see that I'm not the only one! :)
And I have heard too that when you're done you just know!
wow! 8 kids would be a handful! Even 4 is a lot to me!! But I think that if you still want children, you should. If you have enough love to spread, it's something you and hubby should do!
ReplyDeleteI've always heard that if you wait to have kids when you are financially ready, you will never have them. I think it's so true, everything seems so expensive now. Just know and trust that the Lord will provide everything your family needs! Loved reading this and hearing your thoughts, and when you do have another one it will be the perfect time!!
ReplyDeleteHubby wants more more more. I'm not sure yet. I don't know what my hold up is...
ReplyDeleteBut reading the comment above me from Ciera "You'll never regret having another one but you may regret not having another one." kind of makes me think...
Great post!I come from a family of 7-It was a huge struggle for my pop,my mom didnt work but my pop made sure we had what we needed and that was it!I am glad you are considering all that comes with having children and want to provide all that is necessary to survive in this ever changing world.When its time you will know.
ReplyDeleteOh my gosh, 8 kids!! Haha! I cannot even imagine! Z originally wanted five. I thought four. Somehow, we are hoping now for three. But, we will be getting a late start on things since law school and constant deployments have messed up our timing. We are shooting for our first kid by 28. I just don't want to be a really old mom, you know? I want to be able to be active and young and involved.
ReplyDeleteI'm glad you mentioned the financial aspect, as well. I am personally sort of horrified when people say that money shouldn't dictate how many children you have or when you have them. But, how can you truly responsibly say that? I am not saying my children need to have a Porsche waiting for them on their 16th birthdays and a Louis Vuitton lunch box for kindergarten, but I would love to be able to afford Catholic schooling K-12, a family vacation every other year or so, prom dresses, a wedding, college educations, etc.
Being a parent is such a blessing and a privilege, and I just want to make sure that I am well equipped to handle the special privilege as well as the responsibilities that come along with parenting.
As far as timing goes, since we will be starting a little "late", we want to have our children in rapid succession. Crazy, I know. But Z and his two sisters are each 18 months apart and they are closer than any siblings I have ever seen. My brother and I are four years apart and never really grew close until he was in college and I was in law school. I want my kids to be friends and really grow up together...but, that is just our personal take. Plus, we could be done with diapers and bottles in less than 5 years! Wooohoo!
So for us, three. And hopefully this time next year I will have a fun announcement to make :)
It's so hard to make these decisions! I have a 2 1/2 year old beautiful daughter and a 7 week old son who I can't stop kissing. I felt like our timing was perfect because we caught her right at the point where she was still young enough to not have been the single for too long and just old enough that she's mostly independent and doesn't need me as much during the day.
ReplyDeleteI was one of 3 and my husband was one of 2 and we were always leaning towards just 2. Sadly for us finances really do have to play a role. We are both teachers and like you we want to be able to give our kids and ourselves memories of field trips, mini vacations and yes even bigger vacations together as a family. On two teachers salaries, and especially in the area we live, having 3 would push us below the line of having enough income to do much.
I hope that your little family comes to a decision that feels just right for you!
Your post really hit home today! The same thoughts were racing through my mind last night as I was trying to fall asleep. We have an almost 2 year old girl and I am currently 6 months pregnant with our second baby. I've always wanted three children because I love a full household and I desire a large family since my current one isn't so close. That being said, I work full time right now because one income is not an option for us and I make a little more than my husband does and have higher earning potential because of education, specialiazation etc. Daycare is a huge expense for us: $600 per month per child. So that will end up being $1200 a month with two children. Ouch! Then I began thinking of clothing, food, education, etc and my mind began to spin.
ReplyDeleteI honestly think we will be done after this baby. Two is a more manageable number for us and my husband seems more comfortable with it. Who knows, maybe down the road we may change our minds and fill our 4th bedroom, but for now we're content with the thought of 2.
We also want to be able to provide things for them in life to make them comfortable so it's not realistic for us to have lots of children considering our hopes and wants for them.
It is such a hard choice though, knowing you could bring another life, another soul into the world and choosing not to. It's really really hard to reason.