It Still Really, Really Hurts
The other morning, Emmy was at school and Charlie and I were in the playroom working on puzzles. It was a beautifully sunny day and light was streaming in through the many windows we have in the room. I laid down on the floor to get a little warmth from the sun. I relaxed for a bit, enjoying the moment, when tears started pricking at my eyes. It took me a second to realize why I was sad, and then it hit me....Braddock.
This was his favorite thing in the whole world, to lay on the carpeted floor in the sunshine. He would do it for hours, and I would join him as much as possible. It was so relaxing to lay my head on his stomach and doze in and out.
It hurt me more than I thought it would...more than it should probably. I know I should be over the death of my dog already, but I'm just not. It's only been three months.
What's makes it harder, much harder, is that Emmy is just starting to understand that he's really never coming home. She cries at least once a day now, telling me how much she misses him. She asks me if he 'can come home now, where he belongs'. She wants to know if God will let us borrow him for 'one more game'.
Each time she mentions it, it twists a knife in my heart just a little more. Not only am I grieving for my loss, but hers as well. How do you explain something as unfair as this to a small child? It kills me to look into her eyes and tell her I can't do the one think she wants, I can't bring him home to her. It's unfair and hurts down in a place I didn't know existed.
So this whole losing a dog thing? Sucks. I guess you can say it has gotten easier, as I am able to function better, but it hurts. It still really, really hurts. And seeing my daughter hurt? Not being able to fix that hurt? Is worse than I could have ever imagined.
Why do people even get dogs?
This was his favorite thing in the whole world, to lay on the carpeted floor in the sunshine. He would do it for hours, and I would join him as much as possible. It was so relaxing to lay my head on his stomach and doze in and out.
It hurt me more than I thought it would...more than it should probably. I know I should be over the death of my dog already, but I'm just not. It's only been three months.
What's makes it harder, much harder, is that Emmy is just starting to understand that he's really never coming home. She cries at least once a day now, telling me how much she misses him. She asks me if he 'can come home now, where he belongs'. She wants to know if God will let us borrow him for 'one more game'.
Each time she mentions it, it twists a knife in my heart just a little more. Not only am I grieving for my loss, but hers as well. How do you explain something as unfair as this to a small child? It kills me to look into her eyes and tell her I can't do the one think she wants, I can't bring him home to her. It's unfair and hurts down in a place I didn't know existed.
So this whole losing a dog thing? Sucks. I guess you can say it has gotten easier, as I am able to function better, but it hurts. It still really, really hurts. And seeing my daughter hurt? Not being able to fix that hurt? Is worse than I could have ever imagined.
Why do people even get dogs?
I'm so sorry. I can only assume that it's going to hurt for a long while. Dogs become a part of our family, so the grieving? It's real. And it's deep.
ReplyDeleteI have two dogs myself, and the thought of losing them pains me so. I understand the love you have for Braddock.
xo
Oh :( This hurts my heart. I'm so sorry for your loss - and I'm sure it's not comforting to know that, after losing my dog Lady in 2003 (luckily I was home for spring break) I still miss her terribly.
ReplyDeleteWhy do people get dogs? For the unconditional love. They'll never hold a grudge, they'll always be there for you, they reach a part of your soul you didn't know "just an animal" could.
That's why it hurts so much when they're gone.
I hope one day, MAYBE, and I am treading lightly I promise :), but you can open up your heart again. There will NEVER be another Braddock, ever ever ever. My heart aches for you and dear Emmy. There is nothing wrong with still hurting .. it shows how much he was loved. Hang in there.
I was coming on here to write something different but Christine took the words right out of my mouth!
ReplyDeleteIt doesn't go away but it does get easier. Braddock was so loved and the years we spend with a pet are better than never knowing them at all.
Oh this breaks my heart! I'm so sorry that you are going through that, and especially your daughter. I had my dog for 15 years as a child and still miss him! Hang in there!
ReplyDeleteI am really sorry girl... it will get better though. it's just going to plain suck for a while..
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ReplyDeleteA new comment to an old post ..but I just came across this and thought of you. Hope maybe it helps a little.
ReplyDeletehttp://nested1.blogspot.com/2012/09/a-farewell.html