Stay-at-home girl mom

I'm very excited for Becky's Women Connect project!

 I love finding new blogs, especially when they are in a similar life stage as me.  I think it's important for women to be able to find someone going through the same things they are to share stories and bounce ideas off one another. 

So who am I? 

If you're new here, I'm Mandy.  I'm newly thirty {ouch}, married for seven years, mommy for four years.

I've worn a lot of hats over the years: student, teacher, girlfriend, fiance, wife, Marine Corps wife, cop wife, deployment survivor, Jersey girl...the list could go on.

But the most important hat I've ever worn, is that of stay-at-home mom to my two sweet girls.

Being a SAHM is the one thing I always wanted to do in life.  I always knew I wanted kids and as long as my husband and I could afford it, I wanted to be able to stay home while they were young.  I didn't want to miss out on a second of their little lives. 

So I was overjoyed when I got pregnant in the spring of 2008, and Skip and I realized I could 'retire' from teaching in the spring and stay home with the baby.

November 29, 2008 was the day I became a mommy to my little Emmy and began my dream of being a SAHM.

Those first few weeks?  Amazing.  I was on a high of not being pregnant anymore and omg, I have the!cutest!baby!ever!  Everything was all a haze of pink and baby squishiness.  What was not to love?  Being a SAHM was better than I ever dreamed.

But now here I am four years in.  The pink haze of the newborn days has evaporated.  We have added another child to the mix.  Do I still love being a stay-at-home mom?  Absolutely.  Would I change it for anything else in this world? Definitely not.  But this SAHM gig?  So much harder than I ever dreamed.  Way harder.  Epically harder. 

Now I don't want you to think that I thought being home with my girls all day would be all bon-bons and playing.  I knew it would involve a lot of work...more than anything I had ever known.  Being a SAHM has tried and stretched me in ways I didn't know possible.

You forget that you're on call 24/7.  Sleeping babies don't always stay asleep.  A part of you never gets out of 'mom mode'.

Doing anything takes three times longer than you think.  I used to pride myself on being on time...early even.  Now?  No matter how early I start getting us ready, I'm barely on time for anything {except Emmy's school..that we've got down}

I wasn't prepared for the loneliness.  Which seems weird to say since there are tiny humans grabbing onto your legs at all times of the day.  But that human interact you get at work? Someone to chat with while waiting for the bathroom?  A friend to eat lunch with?  A little gossip over your coffee?  There's none of that at home.  And even though Emmy talks and converses now, she really doesn't care that Channing Tatum was named Sexiest Man Alive.

Not only is there no one to talk to, but you spend a lot more time at home than I thought.  Sure in the summer we get out to the park, take walks, etc.  But the winter is hard.  Maybe it's too cold for the baby, or she's sick, or it's too snowy and you don't want to risk an accident.  Whatever it is, you're practically held prisoner in the house for months.  There are weeks where I barely get out at all.  Now sure there are music and swim classes you can bring your kid to, the mall to wander around, play dates to go on.  But most of my friends don't have kids, and all those other things?  Cost money.  Money we just don't have since I'm a SAHM. Catch 22 huh.

Before I was a SAHM, I never realized how much praise and feedback you get from your job on a regular basis.  All that goes away when you stay home with your kids.  They're not going to tell you if you've burped them right or you've got them on the 'right' schedule.  They didn't come with a manual explaining the best way to discipline them, or when they'll be ready to potty train.  You just have to go with your gut and assume it's the right thing for your kid, because no one else can tell you.  And that praise you're used to getting at work?  The 'good jobs' and 'way to gos'? They were a nice bonus to any day.  A baby puking on your shirt just doesn't have the same effect.

Being able to stay home with my girls all day every day is the greatest gift I've ever gotten.  I love it more than there are words to describe it.  But being a stay-at-home mom?  I've got to admit...it's rough, exhausting, unlike anything I've ever experienced.  The days I've experienced have been some of the best and worst of my life.  It's rewarding and frustrating all at the same time.

Please tell me I'm not alone?