The First Day
It's all over now. The wake, funeral, burial have all come and gone. There is no one else to call, nothing else to prepare.
Today is the first day of the rest of our lives without my MIL.
Most of the time it doesn't seem real still. I'm not sure it has fully hit any of us yet. For the first few days we were all so relieved and happy for her that she wasn't in pain anymore, that we almost forgot the pain we are all going to be in now.
When someone you love dies, your life changes. But when you watch someone die, you are changed. There are things you cannot unsee or unhear. It will take a long time for all of us to process what we went through.
As much as I would like to curl up in bed today and just cry, we all must begin to move on. Skip is starting back at work tomorrow, and I really can't remember the last time I vacuumed.
We'll still hurt...we'll still have break downs...we'll still have days where it is all too much. But for this day, this moment, we begin to figure out our new lives, our new normal, a new world without my MIL in it.
Today is the first day of the rest of our lives without my MIL.
Most of the time it doesn't seem real still. I'm not sure it has fully hit any of us yet. For the first few days we were all so relieved and happy for her that she wasn't in pain anymore, that we almost forgot the pain we are all going to be in now.
When someone you love dies, your life changes. But when you watch someone die, you are changed. There are things you cannot unsee or unhear. It will take a long time for all of us to process what we went through.
As much as I would like to curl up in bed today and just cry, we all must begin to move on. Skip is starting back at work tomorrow, and I really can't remember the last time I vacuumed.
We'll still hurt...we'll still have break downs...we'll still have days where it is all too much. But for this day, this moment, we begin to figure out our new lives, our new normal, a new world without my MIL in it.
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ReplyDeleteI cannot imagine what you are going through. I pray you feel some peace in the next weeks. I know when my grandparents died its a learning process. But you will always have her memories. Focus on all the good times and make sure to tell the girls all about them as they grow up. She will forever be their guardian angel. Sending you peace and prayers.
ReplyDeleteHi Mandy, I'm a relatively new Follower of yours.
ReplyDeleteI can't begin to tell you how much this post you shared, hit home for me.
First and foremost - my heart goes out to you & your family for your loss :(
Second, tomorrow will mark the 10th anniversary of when I sat next to my sister, holding her hand as she lost her battle to ovarian cancer (at the age of 24).
So when you said that when you WATCH someone die it changes you forever ...I wholeheartedly agree with you about that.
I admire you for opening up like this because it has taken me up until this past month (almost 10 years) to actually share what I went thru mentally, emotionally, & physically when I lost my sister.
http://www.cherishedlifeofanorthernwife.com/2013/02/the-end-time-to-say.html#.UTwGele8B8E
The one thing I did learn from my loss, was that we all grieve differently, & that no two deaths are the same. I thought I knew what experiencing losing a loved one was like when other family members had passed away, but losing my sister - that hit home on a WHOLE different level.
Tomorrow morning I will be sharing an almost 10 minute memorial celebrating my sister's 10th birthday in heaven on my own blog.
And even with it being 10 years since she lost her fight, it still some days feels like it was just the other day this all happened.
Sending you and your family hugs and prayers during this difficult time =)
I lost my MIL over three years ago. We found out on July 5th that she had cancer, and 6 weeks later, she was gone. It's a hard battle and it's tough, but the positive joy and memories and love for her will help you fight through. Each day will get a little easier over time.
ReplyDeleteIf you need a friend to talk to about it, I'm happy to lend an ear since I"ve been through it!
Thoughts and prayers to your family. It will get easier, I promise. But you'll always miss her.
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