The Montly Update Debate
If you're a blogger who has kids, you're probably very familiar with monthly updates that people write about their kids. What they're eating, what size clothes they wear, what milestones they've reached, and some pictures to complete it all.
They're so organized, adorable, and must be a wonderful gift for the mom to look back on in the years to come.
Sometimes I wish I had done them with my girls....to remember what they were doing every month for their first years. But honestly, other than a quick "hey this is what my kid has been doing" update post, I don't write them. And today I'm going to tell you why I don't write them, as well as why I don't read them anymore.
The why I don't write them started out mainly because I'm lazy. I'd think of doing one when Emmy was little, forget, and then three weeks would go by and it would be time for me to write another one. I didn't like the structure of having to do one each month, each six months, etc. I much preferred jotting down things on here as they happened or popped into my head.
But a deeper reason why I don't write them, or even read them anymore, is because parenting is hard. Parenting more than one kid is even harder. There is so much pressure out there to buy the right products, teach them the right things, enroll them in certain classes, dress them a certain way. Yes, we can ignore those pressures, but that is way easier said than done.
And then come in the monthly updates. Listing all of your child's accomplishments and how you helped them get there. My girls are their own people. They have grown, changed, and reached milestones at their own pace. Sometimes it was ahead of schedule, sometimes right on time, and sometimes behind schedule.
I, and their doctor, have no problem letting them grow at their own pace. But as soon as I would read someone's monthly update, I would automatically start comparing their kid to my girls. Pretty soon I was feeling like neither of my girls were ever going to do anything in life, and I was the worst mother ever, because they weren't reading by 2. Or, I'd walk around feeling smug that my girls were more advanced than someone else's kid....like that mattered at all in the world.
So that's when I decided to never consider writing monthly updates about my girls, and to stop reading them all together. There is nothing wrong with people who do write them....heck, there's nothing wrong with writing posts to brag about your kids! It's your blog to do whatever you want.
I've just decided to take myself out of the comparing race and let my kids grow at their own pace.
They're so organized, adorable, and must be a wonderful gift for the mom to look back on in the years to come.
Sometimes I wish I had done them with my girls....to remember what they were doing every month for their first years. But honestly, other than a quick "hey this is what my kid has been doing" update post, I don't write them. And today I'm going to tell you why I don't write them, as well as why I don't read them anymore.
The why I don't write them started out mainly because I'm lazy. I'd think of doing one when Emmy was little, forget, and then three weeks would go by and it would be time for me to write another one. I didn't like the structure of having to do one each month, each six months, etc. I much preferred jotting down things on here as they happened or popped into my head.
But a deeper reason why I don't write them, or even read them anymore, is because parenting is hard. Parenting more than one kid is even harder. There is so much pressure out there to buy the right products, teach them the right things, enroll them in certain classes, dress them a certain way. Yes, we can ignore those pressures, but that is way easier said than done.
And then come in the monthly updates. Listing all of your child's accomplishments and how you helped them get there. My girls are their own people. They have grown, changed, and reached milestones at their own pace. Sometimes it was ahead of schedule, sometimes right on time, and sometimes behind schedule.
I, and their doctor, have no problem letting them grow at their own pace. But as soon as I would read someone's monthly update, I would automatically start comparing their kid to my girls. Pretty soon I was feeling like neither of my girls were ever going to do anything in life, and I was the worst mother ever, because they weren't reading by 2. Or, I'd walk around feeling smug that my girls were more advanced than someone else's kid....like that mattered at all in the world.
So that's when I decided to never consider writing monthly updates about my girls, and to stop reading them all together. There is nothing wrong with people who do write them....heck, there's nothing wrong with writing posts to brag about your kids! It's your blog to do whatever you want.
I've just decided to take myself out of the comparing race and let my kids grow at their own pace.
I don't read them because they feel so personal to me. Same with the letters people write to their kids on their blogs. I feel like I am butting into something that has nothing to do with me. I get that our blogs are our public place to say whatever we want but for me, for my girls, I like to keep somethings just for us.
ReplyDeleteThe other reason is that I don't feel like it's my place to put all of their stuff out there, they may be little but they deserve some privacy.
A was delayed. that's always been a hard pill to swallow and I felt like other moms were bragging about their perfect kid and my daughter had to work twice as hard to achieve the same goals. She is 9 but I stopped blogging because I was taking everything personal.
ReplyDeleteI am glad for my friends but I am really struggling and it's hard to be happy to their face when I just want to cry.
I completely understand and agree. Though "blogging" did not exist when I raised my kids, competition among mothers certainly did! I remember my mother sharing with me something that she tried to remember, that someone else had told to her. When I worried about potty training or other "milestones" she said she was told, "No one ever walked down the aisle still wearing diapers. They'll do it when they are ready." And when you look at your kids and other kids, who the hell can tell which ones were potty trained or spoke or walked first? it doesn't matter! Loving them and having good health are the important things!
ReplyDeleteAnd as for writing it all down? Like you, I didn't have time. Those "Childhood Memories" books are still blank, sitting on a shelf under pictures of my grandchildren! I wrote bits of info on the calendar hanging in my kitchen - those I have. And the memories in my heart.
You love those two munchkins - and it shows!!! That's all that matters. Oh, and you love their Daddy too - also important!
I don't have kids, but I can't imagine the struggle with parenting! Not sure I'm cut out for it. You seem like a great mom with your girls! I love how you keep it real!
ReplyDeleteI'm not a mom, but can see how you would feel this way when blogging about your girls. Although I hope it doesn't keep you from blogging about them entirely. They are a huge part of your life and even if you aren't giving updates on how they are progressing & learning I hope they still make the blog every now and then!!
ReplyDelete