Drowning

This past week I've felt like I'm drowning in grief.  For months now, I have been so focused on Skip's grief over losing his mom.  And it was only just recently that I started to mourn her for what I lost.

And then we lost my Grandma.  She died peacefully and pain-free from a massive stroke.  She had been sick with various things for the past four years.  We all knew we were on borrowed time with her, but the shock of her actually being gone is overwhelming.  It was not how I thought I was going to spend last week at all.

On Friday and Saturday we gathered together, family and friends from all around the country, to mourn and celebrate my Grandma.  Both days were a beautiful tribute to her life and legacy, though immensely harder than I ever thought they would be. 

While I am blessed in so many other ways, this year has just been so hard for my little family.  We barely get a chance to grieve one thing before another is thrown right at us.  Braddock, my MIL, my Grandma....it's all too much.  I'm really not surprised that Emmy has been very concerned about herself, or Skip and I dying.  It seems as though we've had more than our fair share this year.

I know I really shouldn't be upset.  My Grandma lived a long, full, happy 90 years.  And now she gets to spend eternity with her beloved husband, whom she's lived without for 30 years.  What a blessed life she lived.

But it hurts...it hurts so so bad....right down to my core.  I miss my Grandma so so much, while still very much grieving the loss of my MIL.  I feel like I can't breathe and worry I'll carry this pain with me forever.  I just don't know how much more I can take.