The Time I Wanted to Crawl in a Hole and Disappear
In parenting there are good moments and bad. There are amazing wonderful moments and ones you wish you could erase from your memory completely. As I mentioned to my cousin {who is only weeks away from becoming a father for the first time} the other night, being a parent can best be described as a roller coaster.
Friday afternoon I experienced one of the low moments. The girls and I had a birthday party to attend for the daughter of one of my friends. It was going to be at a local children's museum we'd been to several times before.
I'm going to be honest with you though, I had been dreading the party for a few days prior. I knew the place was super fun for kids, and the girls and I were both excited to see our friends, but as Skip was working that afternoon, it would be a solo mission.
Now before the eye rolling starts, I know how ridiculous it sounds that I was dreading taking the girls by myself. They're older and there is only two of them. Moms with 3, 4, 5+ kids take them out all by themselves without incident, so I sure as heck could do it with just two. I only get nervous about certain events because my sweet Charlie bear is a runner. She's a big fan of taking off without a second glance behind her. She can also scream with a strength I didn't know was possible. So sometimes things get a little stressful when I'm on my own.
But I refused to give into the fear, and committed myself to having a good time. The first half an hour of the party went really well. Yes, it was a little stressful trying to keep them both together with me as we went from activity to activity while fighting through the crowds of people. But it really wasn't too much to handle.
The problem started when we were called back into the party room. This was the part I was most excited about. Both girls contained in one room...and there would be pizza?!? Sign me up!
Sadly Charlie had other ideas. As soon as we walked into the party room, Emmy took a seat, and Charlie started screaming....at the top of her lungs...uncontrollably. She was flailing around, throwing herself on the floor. With every last drop of strength I had, I held Charlie in the corner of the room while she screamed, trying to calm her down. It was seriously the worst tantrum I have ever witnessed in all my years of parenting. My ear hurt she was screaming into it so loudly, and I was barely strong enough to contain her freakishly strong little body. Sweat was pouring down my face as I wanted to disappear from embarrassment in front of all the other parents.
But what made this moment so very hard, was that I really didn't know what I should be doing. Girlfriend was not calming down or lessening the screaming. So the only way I was going to get her to stop was to give in and take her back out to play, which was what she wanted. But I am not one to give in to my kids when they are behaving like that. I know it is only going to make things harder for me when they get older. And they cannot think that they can get their way by screaming. So any other time, I would have just let her go on screaming and ignore her.
But the thing was, we were at a party....with lots of other kids and parents watching. And while I was completely willing to ignore my embarrassment for the sake of good parenting, I didn't want my kid ruining the party for everyone else. It just wasn't fair to everyone else.
Now what the best thing for me to have done, would have just been to pack up the girls and leave. I would have shown Charlie that we don't act that way in public, and there will be consequences for your actions.
But I had Emmy with me. I didn't think it would be fair for her to be punished just because Charlie couldn't behave. So I finally made the decision to take Charlie out of the room to play in the museum while Emmy stayed behind with her friends. Was I giving in to her? Yes. Could this come back to bite me later? Probably. But with everything going on, I felt like this was the best decision for what I had to work with.
Of course Charlie was calm and relaxed as soon as she was able to play at all the activities. Emmy did great in the room with all the other kids, and my friend made me feel so much better about the whole thing. I wiped the embarrassment tears from my eyes and refocused on us having a good time. Thankfully we did manage to enjoy the rest of the party and get home in one piece.
This parenting gig can be hard sometimes. They right answer isn't always clear and sometimes you're on your own. But thankfully there are friends and family there to support you and bad days only last so long.
What's the worst tantrum your kid has ever had? What would you have done differently in my situation? Please let me know I'm not the only parent to two who struggles sometimes!
Friday afternoon I experienced one of the low moments. The girls and I had a birthday party to attend for the daughter of one of my friends. It was going to be at a local children's museum we'd been to several times before.
I'm going to be honest with you though, I had been dreading the party for a few days prior. I knew the place was super fun for kids, and the girls and I were both excited to see our friends, but as Skip was working that afternoon, it would be a solo mission.
Now before the eye rolling starts, I know how ridiculous it sounds that I was dreading taking the girls by myself. They're older and there is only two of them. Moms with 3, 4, 5+ kids take them out all by themselves without incident, so I sure as heck could do it with just two. I only get nervous about certain events because my sweet Charlie bear is a runner. She's a big fan of taking off without a second glance behind her. She can also scream with a strength I didn't know was possible. So sometimes things get a little stressful when I'm on my own.
But I refused to give into the fear, and committed myself to having a good time. The first half an hour of the party went really well. Yes, it was a little stressful trying to keep them both together with me as we went from activity to activity while fighting through the crowds of people. But it really wasn't too much to handle.
The problem started when we were called back into the party room. This was the part I was most excited about. Both girls contained in one room...and there would be pizza?!? Sign me up!
Sadly Charlie had other ideas. As soon as we walked into the party room, Emmy took a seat, and Charlie started screaming....at the top of her lungs...uncontrollably. She was flailing around, throwing herself on the floor. With every last drop of strength I had, I held Charlie in the corner of the room while she screamed, trying to calm her down. It was seriously the worst tantrum I have ever witnessed in all my years of parenting. My ear hurt she was screaming into it so loudly, and I was barely strong enough to contain her freakishly strong little body. Sweat was pouring down my face as I wanted to disappear from embarrassment in front of all the other parents.
But what made this moment so very hard, was that I really didn't know what I should be doing. Girlfriend was not calming down or lessening the screaming. So the only way I was going to get her to stop was to give in and take her back out to play, which was what she wanted. But I am not one to give in to my kids when they are behaving like that. I know it is only going to make things harder for me when they get older. And they cannot think that they can get their way by screaming. So any other time, I would have just let her go on screaming and ignore her.
But the thing was, we were at a party....with lots of other kids and parents watching. And while I was completely willing to ignore my embarrassment for the sake of good parenting, I didn't want my kid ruining the party for everyone else. It just wasn't fair to everyone else.
Now what the best thing for me to have done, would have just been to pack up the girls and leave. I would have shown Charlie that we don't act that way in public, and there will be consequences for your actions.
But I had Emmy with me. I didn't think it would be fair for her to be punished just because Charlie couldn't behave. So I finally made the decision to take Charlie out of the room to play in the museum while Emmy stayed behind with her friends. Was I giving in to her? Yes. Could this come back to bite me later? Probably. But with everything going on, I felt like this was the best decision for what I had to work with.
Of course Charlie was calm and relaxed as soon as she was able to play at all the activities. Emmy did great in the room with all the other kids, and my friend made me feel so much better about the whole thing. I wiped the embarrassment tears from my eyes and refocused on us having a good time. Thankfully we did manage to enjoy the rest of the party and get home in one piece.
This parenting gig can be hard sometimes. They right answer isn't always clear and sometimes you're on your own. But thankfully there are friends and family there to support you and bad days only last so long.
What's the worst tantrum your kid has ever had? What would you have done differently in my situation? Please let me know I'm not the only parent to two who struggles sometimes!
Oh I've been there. These kids. They really put us through the ringer. Preston had a meltdown to end all meltdowns at the zoo once. I still remember it. He wanted to drive his train along the trail as we walked and there were too many people and it just wasn't safe because there was no way he wouldn't get tripped over. He was almost two and not happy with my choice. AT ALL! Like it took me AND Brad to fight him back into his stroller and get him buckled and then almost an hour later it ended with me and him in a zoo bathroom so that he could nurse. Not because he was hungry but because he was upset. And me practically in tears to Brad because I was soooo done nursing but once we quit how would be calm him down if something like that happened again! Parenting. Not for the weak. And NOT what you think it's going to be all the time! If it helps at all, I would have done the exact same thing as you. I know consistency is key and all that BUT sometimes things call for in the moment choices and two kids means sometimes you make the better choice for one of them even if it's not the better choice for the other. As much as it would have taught Charlie something it would have taught Emmy something too! Plus choices are soooo much harder when others are watching, at least for me. It has be second guessing myself hard! And even if it didn't feel like it in the moment, every single one of those parents at that party have totally been in the exact same situation! AND since I'm writing a novel, Preston was a runner! Like a full on runner. I actually bought him one of those backpack things way back been he was like one because we were going to this thing downtown and there were thousands upon thousands upon thousands of people there and better to have the kid on the "leash" than the kid that got lost! Littles get through crowds so much faster than adults! It's scary! Even just the thought of them getting away and knowing that the runner part mixed with the fearless means that you don't know how far they'll get and how fast! Preston being a runner was a big part of us waiting so many years to have Olivia! Runners are a lot of work!! BUT the good news? At six, he now knows boundaries and to stop and wait and not get too far ahead. So you just have to survive this part!! And you can do it! :)
ReplyDeleteMy daughter hasn't thrown a full blown kicking and screaming tantrum yet. She's almost 2.5 so I think I'm pretty lucky in that area. But It is hard when you have two. How do you punish one but not the other for bad behavior? Of course it's embarrassing but you have to do what you have to do. Good for you for figuring it out and acting quickly. It's nice that Emmy was still able to have a good time.
ReplyDeleteMy 2yo threw a tantrum this morning at my OB appt. She was happily playing until they called us back & taking her away from the toys--you'd think I was torturing her. Everyone was staring at us. They tried to weigh me, get my blood pressure but D wouldn't allow it. Screaming & yelling "owww!" As if i was hurting her. I was so embarrassed & frustrated I wanted to cry. On top of that I had to do a NST and was terrified how that would go.
ReplyDeleteI'm a believer that you have to do what is best in the moment & I think you did a great job doing that! Emmy was still able to have a good time & Charlie still got to play for a bit longer. But I understand where you are coming from in not wanting to give in every time. Just go with your gut.
You did the right thing. Sometimes you just have to give in when other people are involved. Not only just Emmy but the child who was having her birthday party. Toddler meltdowns are no joke!
ReplyDelete