Sometimes Being the First Isn't Always the Best

For the past few weeks Meredith has been on a pretty good sleeping schedule.  She goes down at 8:00 and then sleeps till either 5:00 or 5:30, and goes back down again till around 8:00.         It has been great and has afforded me with some quiet time to get things done around the house and even a decent amount of sleep.  Everything was going pretty good until two nights ago when I was awoken to the sounds of the baby crying at only 3:00am.  It also didn't help that I had only been asleep since about 12:30.  Since she had been practically sleeping through the night recently, I figured that there was no way she was hungry, as she has been going so long without eating.   And I didn't want to just feed her if that wasn't what was wrong.  So I changed her and burped her and rocked her.  With the tears still coming I sang to her, read her a story, and rocked her some more.  An hour passed and she still wasn't going down to sleep.  As I started to cry out of frustration, I brought her into our room, hoping Skip would have some advice, or at least we could figure it out together.  However, as a man who slept through mortar attacks in Iraq, my gentle cries didn't even stir him.  Finally, out of tiredness and lack of ideas, I fed the baby.  She ate a full meal hungrily and I felt terrible that I hadn't just fed her to begin with.  It's just so hard to figure out what she needs and wantss, and how to keep her on a schedule.  And the worst part is that I feel very lonely in the whole process.  I know I can ask my mom any questions I have, but it would be nice to have someone my own age to compare things with.  Some days I just hate that I'm the first person of my friends and family to have a baby and long for them to have some experiences to share with me.  And I also get jealous of them and the fact that when they all have kids, I will be there to give then any advice I have., while I'm doing this blindly.  It's just hard to know what's right and wrong, and whether or not I'm doing what's best for my little girl.  I am trying to let go a little though and just relax and do whatever my instincts tell me.  She woke up again at 3:00 last night, and this time I fed her right away.  She again ate a full meal and drifted peacefully off to sleep.  I'm assuming she's just going through a growth spurt and will be waking up this early for a little longer.  And while I'm not a huge fan of being awake in the middle of the night, I now know what she wants and feel much better about the whole thing.  Though I'm sure she will do something new tomorrow that will confuse me and I'll feel lost once again!