Where's my village?
I feel like parenting, as with most things in life, comes in waves. Sometimes you are rockin' it and feeling on top of the world. And other times you feel more like you're living with tiny dictators and you can't do anything right. Guess which stage I'm in now.
There is such a hard balance when it comes to parenting. I want my girls to know they are special and loved more than anything else in this world. But I also don't want them growing up spoiled and getting everything they want. It's so challenging to know when to give in and when to stay strong.
We're dealing with two different issues right now, one from each of the girls. I tend to get a little wordy on the subject, so I'm going to split this up into two different posts. The first situation is from my Charlie. When she was a baby, she really wasn't that clingy. We sure did spend a lot of time together, but that's only because she refused to sleep, like ever. But she was happy enough to be soothed by Skip or I.
Well apparently she's making up for it now and clinging to me like I hold a treasure map to all the gold in the world. At first she only wanted me to put her to bed, not Skip. Not a big deal. I'm used to doing it most nights anyway when Skip is working, so what's a few more. Then she wouldn't let him put her down for nap. A few weeks ago she picked bath time as her new battle. Mommy or nothing. And now it's deteriorated into her crying and screaming anytime she can't see me.
Now I know this not really a problem at all. I really shouldn't complain about my kid clinging to me, because that means I have a child to be clinging to me. And I know there are way worse problems to have. But that being said, it is getting a little exhausting. I really can't do anything without her by my side. I try and get things done during nap time, and every once in a while Skip is able to distract her long enough for me to sneak out without her noticing.
The problem is, her fear and anxiety over being away from me is real. She isn't doing it for attention...her tears and screams are real. So 99% of the time, I am more than happy to make sure I am in her eye line and comfort her when she is upset. And the special bedtime / bath time moments are ones I will keep forever and really treasure. But to put it all out there, I just want a break for one night....just one. Now Skip has told me time and time again to just go out and he'll deal with the screaming, and that she'll eventually stop crying and get over it. But I feel so guilty about putting her through the trauma of crying and missing me, just so I can selfishly get a break.
So what's a girl to do? I dealt with a clinging baby in Emmy before, but a clingy toddler is a whole new territory for me. Do I just suck it up and stop complaining and know that this is just a stage she'll outgrow? Do I let Skip take over and just force her to get over it a bit? Is there some other brilliant idea I haven't thought of yet? They say it takes a village to raise a kid, so I'm calling on all of you to help me out if you can!
There is such a hard balance when it comes to parenting. I want my girls to know they are special and loved more than anything else in this world. But I also don't want them growing up spoiled and getting everything they want. It's so challenging to know when to give in and when to stay strong.
We're dealing with two different issues right now, one from each of the girls. I tend to get a little wordy on the subject, so I'm going to split this up into two different posts. The first situation is from my Charlie. When she was a baby, she really wasn't that clingy. We sure did spend a lot of time together, but that's only because she refused to sleep, like ever. But she was happy enough to be soothed by Skip or I.
Well apparently she's making up for it now and clinging to me like I hold a treasure map to all the gold in the world. At first she only wanted me to put her to bed, not Skip. Not a big deal. I'm used to doing it most nights anyway when Skip is working, so what's a few more. Then she wouldn't let him put her down for nap. A few weeks ago she picked bath time as her new battle. Mommy or nothing. And now it's deteriorated into her crying and screaming anytime she can't see me.
Now I know this not really a problem at all. I really shouldn't complain about my kid clinging to me, because that means I have a child to be clinging to me. And I know there are way worse problems to have. But that being said, it is getting a little exhausting. I really can't do anything without her by my side. I try and get things done during nap time, and every once in a while Skip is able to distract her long enough for me to sneak out without her noticing.
The problem is, her fear and anxiety over being away from me is real. She isn't doing it for attention...her tears and screams are real. So 99% of the time, I am more than happy to make sure I am in her eye line and comfort her when she is upset. And the special bedtime / bath time moments are ones I will keep forever and really treasure. But to put it all out there, I just want a break for one night....just one. Now Skip has told me time and time again to just go out and he'll deal with the screaming, and that she'll eventually stop crying and get over it. But I feel so guilty about putting her through the trauma of crying and missing me, just so I can selfishly get a break.
So what's a girl to do? I dealt with a clinging baby in Emmy before, but a clingy toddler is a whole new territory for me. Do I just suck it up and stop complaining and know that this is just a stage she'll outgrow? Do I let Skip take over and just force her to get over it a bit? Is there some other brilliant idea I haven't thought of yet? They say it takes a village to raise a kid, so I'm calling on all of you to help me out if you can!
N can be like this, depending on the day. Basically, I've found that there are times he just has to deal with someone else being there, otherwise it only gets worse. If I don't take him to the Y a couple of times a week, the next time we go, he FREAKS. Baby #2 is due in a couple of months, so he's having to adjust to Daddy doing things at bedtime/night. It's heartbreaking to hear him crying "Mommy, Mommy!" at night, but if know he's in good hands, and I think, deep down, he knows it too.
ReplyDeleteHang in there!
As a little kid (toddler-age 11) I had serious separation anxiety issues regarding my mom. I was essentially convinced that if I wasn't with her at all times something terrible would happen to her. I'm not quite sure why these issues manifested but I did spend a significant amount of time with an art therapist and that seemed to elicit tangible results. I'm not saying Charlie needs therapy per se, but it might be a consideration. All I know is I wasn't just being stubborn when I wanted my mom so desperately--like you said, my fear and anxiety was real and it was devastating to me. Just trying to give you an alternative perspective. Good luck, I hope it's just a phase and she grows out of it soon!
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